Am I Losing My Mind or is it the Gaslighting?
If you didn’t grow up in a gaslighting environment, this most recent Trump era will likely be confusing and strange to you, but the lead up to his second regime was a good primer for what has only amplified. If you did grow up in a gaslighting environment, you will be all too familiar with how it rolls out and moves through everything, like a dense, grey fog that rises and settles around you.
Even if you didn’t grow up with a parent or close relative who used gaslighting techniques to deceive, reframe and obfuscate, anyone who is an advocate for social justice causes probably has some familiarity with many of the classic hallmarks of it: The denial, distortion, downplaying and reinvention of of verifiable reality, even with events in recent memory; the moving of goalposts to better align with new arguments or overwhelm good-faith arguers with bad-faith gish galloping; the accusations of overreaction to important matters, also known as trivializing.
As someone who grew up in an environment of gaslighting and became an activist for social justice causes in my teens, I can tell you right now, the air is thick and heavy with the fog of it. If people who gaslight do this intentionally, I cannot tell you, though I imagine it varies from person to person. What I can tell you is that gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse and it’s quite damaging because it strikes at the very heart of how you perceive the world and yourself in it.
Over time, gaslighting will have even the most confident and competent person blinking their eyes, stupefied and wondering, What just happened? Did I imagine this? Over time, gaslighting will have you doubting the most basic facts. Over time, gaslighting will have you questioning yourself and your thoughts but not just in disagreements with specific people. The real poison in this arrow is that it seeps out like ink within you eventually, undermining your self-worth. After all, if you can’t get the most basic facts straight, if you can’t discern fact from fiction, what right do you have to even have a point of view about anything, to have boundaries, to trust yourself? This distortion of reality leaves you vulnerable to all kinds of further manipulation and abuse from all kinds of perpetrators because you cannot trust yourself.
What gaslighting does is weaponize against us the very decent human tendency to question our beliefs within our ultimate households, our very bodies and minds. Normally, it is admirable to have some flexibility, some willingness to examine our held beliefs and gaslighters exploit this inclination to not be locked in. In the hands of a gaslighter, reality gets shredded because it is inconvenient to them. It’s good to question your presumptions and attitudes, but not around a manipulator because they will turn your brain into Swiss cheese and skip off to their next adventure in gaslighting while you remain trapped in the net of confusion and self-doubt they laid out for you.
If you are feeling confused right now, you are not alone. This is the Trump administration playbook. Same if you’re feeling muddled, off, newly insecure, disoriented and baffled. If you’re someone who grew up or came out of a relationship with gaslighting, you may be feeling like I have been: Anxious, reactive, PTSD activated, despairing. Be kind to yourself. It’s not you, it’s them.
Has it become dimmer around you? It could be the gaslighting. It’s nothing new with Trump’s regime and his enforcers but it is worse than ever.
Marla Rose is cofounding partner of VeganStreet.com.
