Dear Miley Cyrus, There Is No Such Thing As A Brain Type

“On Saturday night, we all went out to eat
But I can never decide, so someone chose sushi
I got soup, and I ordered rice
But watching my friends eat my friends ruined my appetite.” Miley Cyrus, Pablow the Blowfish

Hi, Miley,

We don’t know each other but I couldn’t help but see that you were on some famous guy’s podcast and have since gone the way of countless celebrities who tried veganism on but decided to have a messy public breakup with it. Specifically, you said, “…I was vegan for a very long time and I’ve had to introduce fish and omegas into my life because my brain wasn’t functioning properly.” You told the podcast dude that he couldn’t be vegan and “be this quick.” (This guy who claimed that wearing masks is “for bitches” during the middle of a highly transmissible, deadly pandemic? Real sharp, that one.)

It’s an interesting choice that you would start eating fish again when your blowfish Pablow was apparently your gateway into veganism. Interesting as in weird, sad and confusing. I remember when I first saw you sing that song, and, jaded as I am, I was touched. I thought, this is someone who really gets it. (“Once burned, twice shy” is apparently not in my vocabulary.) But I don’t want to focus on that. As a…