Don’t Let the Dog Days Get You Down
Three years ago, I experienced one of the worst days of my life, and it happened to be on the last day of July after a very difficult year and a half. [I’m not trying to be annoyingly vague here but also don’t want to repeat something you’ve already read of mine. If you want to learn more, I’ve written about it before.]
Even before that particular day, though, this part of summer has always been bittersweet for me. I love autumn most of all but getting there has some baggage: As summer wanes, the old feelings of anxiety about returning to school reemerge, the sense that I’ve not made the most of my time nags at me, the awareness that I’m losing the freedom of movement I associate with warmer weather. Now, it is also a reminder of a very difficult and sad time of my life. It’s bittersweet this time of year for me, feeling a bit like losing someone you love while they’re still here.
As author Susan Cain articulates in her exploration of that difficult to define emotion, Bittersweet, some of us are especially hardwired to be drawn to its unique pushing and pulling nuances, like a tide within us. I happen to love bittersweetness, but sometimes the sweetness can be hard to discern.
When this happens, as it does for me around this time of the summer every year, I have found that leaning in to the bittersweetness is far better for me than avoidance. It’s easy to tumble into overkill, though. Finding balance in the bittersweet can be challenging. Are you feeling sad with the dog days of summer here? I have some ideas for you. Of course, not all of the suggestions will be appealing or relevant to you but perhaps they can get your own ideas flowing.
Sad Songs Are Great Company
Sometimes a mournful song is what you need to feel less alone. You can do the same thing with sad movies and books, passages and poems but for me, the immediacy of a sad song is unparalleled. Making a playlist of sad songs may be just what your spirit needs to feel less alone on these occasions. Some recommendations: “Only Love Can Break Your Heart,” Neil Young; “The First Cut is the Deepest,” Yusuf Islam, formerly Cat Stevens; “America,” Simon and Garfunkel; “The River” or “Blue,” Joni Mitchell; “Strange Fruit,” Billie Holiday; “Have You Ever Seen the Rain?” Creedence Clearwater Revival; “Thin Line Between Love and Hate,” The Pretenders; “Moments of Pleasure,” Kate Bush; “Celluloid Heroes,” The Kinks; “I Don’t Believe in the Sun,” The Magnetic Fields; “Why Does He Love That Kind of Girl (acoustic),” Mary Lou Lord; “Mr. Bojangles,” Nitty Gritty Dirt Band; “Stand By Me,” Ben E. King; “Crazy,” Patsy Cline; “Romeo and Juliet,” Dire Straits; “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow,” Carole King; “Chelsea Hotel №2,” Leonard Cohen; pretty much everything on Exene Cervenka’s first solo album, “Old Wives’ Tales,” which can be found on YouTube.
Water is Your Friend
If you’re feeling up for it, go to the beach or a pool and splash around in the water. You don’t need to swim. Do what feels good. Find or make some shade. Bring a book. Recline and read it. Tune in to that specific kind of deep hunger that spending the day in and around the water and waves makes you feel.
Life is a Carnival
On a different note, you can go to a carnival and get tipsy on the scents and the vibes even if the rides aren’t for you. You will remember that there will be other summers and the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Get Planted
Spend some time gardening — weeding, planting — and work up a sweat. Even if they are containers, even if it’s just repotting a houseplant, spending time with some plants and roots is a vote for the present and the future. Afterwards, take a nice, indulgent shower or bath and treat yourself to that expensive body oil you reserve for special occasions. You are the special occasion.
Hand it Over
Working with your hands, whether it’s gardening, drawing pictures, playing with clay, giving yourself a little massage, is also great for taking us out of our overthinking brains and back into this physical, present moment.
Feel the Grass
Spend as much time with your naked feet in the grass as you can. This grounding technique can remind you that this is just one present moment after the next.
Rock Star
It is my belief that rocking chairs and swings are underutilized as vehicles for self-care. I am lucky enough to have my grandfather’s old rocking chair and an air chair on the porch, but if you don’t have one, you can find a park with a swing set and allow yourself this muscle memory of being in the womb, being carefree, being a child again.
Stormy Weather
Watch a thunderstorm from indoors. Feel the feels. Know you are safe, warm and dry.
A Night of Quiet Togetherness
If you’re feeling social but still a little low-key about it, set up some comfy cushions and lovely lighting for a reading gathering with friends. Have snacks and drinks. Read by yourselves for an hour, break to snack and chat, read a little more, enjoy your time together, sitting quietly.
Lean into Nostalgia
Spend some time leafing through photo albums, watching old family movies, cleaning sentimental objects, re-reading old journals and letters, even just reflecting on treasured memories. A little nostalgia can be a mood booster.
A Dedicated Time
I have a special pair of pajamas for Sundays only. I spend some time watching the cartoons of my childhood (for me, it’s the Bugs Bunny Hour or Scooby Doo) in my dedicated PJs in bed. I make a smoothie but if you want to really lean into the old days, enjoy a big bowl of cereal or make yourself some cinnamon toast.
The Quiet Joy of Puttering
If you’re not wanting to do anything big but you also don’t want to be completely inactive, may I recommend an hour or two of puttering around the house when you’re in a bittersweet space? Slowly organizing a drawer, a closet, your books or albums, a desk or a living space can keep you in the moment, feeling like you’re accomplishing something, and free of too much overthinking.
How do you handle bittersweetness? Is it something you enjoy or avoid? Is it even something you recognize?
Yes, you can make lists of trips you’re going to take and things you’re going to do — there is definitely a place for that — but for me, the best approach is leaning more into more bittersweetness. Your body is wanting your attention to a feeling. It’s best to heed instead of bury that.
Marla Rose is co-founder of VeganStreet.com.
