Vegans of the Zodiac
If you hate astrology, keep it moving. If you love astrology but hate this, you can always keep it moving, too.
Here are the 12 zodiac signs as vegans. Fight me. Actually, don’t fight me. I have a Cancer moon; I’m a lover, not a fighter.
• Dreams of going on a national speaking tour and filling stadiums with soon-to-be vegans.
• Comes up with inspiring protest chants in the shower.
• Secretly wishes other people take charge more but unwilling to cede control.
• Dreams of living alone on a mountaintop; all food is airdropped, delicious and plentiful.
• Will raise all the funds for all the animal rights causes and balance that budget correctly even if it means missing out on their second nap.
• Secretly wishes they’d still had that second nap. If they could do activism in their sleep, life would be perfect.
• Dreams of putting on a one-person performance with lots of show-stopping monologues about the evils of animal agribusiness. Will do a test run for you whether you want to see it or not.
• Can converse with all kinds of people due to their multiple personalities, which makes them great at outreach.
• Secretly is working on a roman à clef about the goings-on at one of the largest animal welfare organizations. Will let you see an early draft.