What summertime yard critter are you?
A quiz to find your inner-fluttery, buzzy, stingy soul
We could all use a little diversion. As someone who grew up on Cosmo magazine and their silly quizzes, there is nothing that signals a little break for me like a fun little personality quiz. Maybe it’s because I’ve been spending so much time in our yard and our garden that it’s the theme of this quiz: What summertime garden critter are you? Find the closest match for each question, keep track of the corresponding letter, and I’ll let you know at the end what you scored. Answer as honestly as you can and don’t skip to the end, you little bugger.
1. How would others describe your personality?
A. I definitely make my presence known, especially when I’m in my element and with my people.
B. I like to flit and flirt and keep it moving. I value my freedom but also spreading love.
C. I don’t mind being a little flashy, but I’m known to go dark just as much.
D. I’m cute so people may underestimate me but I love to contribute and I am kind of a bad ass.
E. I am down to earth. VERY. Very.
F. I’ve been told that I’m a pest at times but I know that just means I’m unstoppable.
G. I’m a little mystical and enigmatic, I guess. I like to keep them guessing.
2. How would you choose to spend your time?
A. Partying with my friends, keeping it loud and proud.
B. Left alone to mingle in the sunshine with flowers and bushes.
C. Having coded, esoteric conversations with my friends while everyone else is in the dark.
D. Show me where the aphids are and let me do my thing in peace. Don’t ask any questions. Hold my beer.
E. Not to sound pretentious but I enjoy anything underground.
F. Let me loose at a picnic with lots of juicy victims — er, people — and I’m happiest.
G. Bobbing up and down with lots of fresh water around me.
3. How do strangers generally react to your presence?
A. “Would you PLEASE shut up?”
B. “OMG! OMG! Where’s my camera?”
C. “Aww! Wait, where did you go?…”
D. “You are SO cute!”
E. “Eek. Yuck. No.”
F. “Get. Away. From. Me. You. F*cker.”
G. “GASP! So pretty! I want a tattoo of you on my lower back!”
4. My ideal vacation spot:
A. Anywhere with lots of bushes and no noise restrictions.
B. If there are lots of flowers, I’m happy.
C. A nice green expanse of meadowland is calling to me.
D. Take me to the aphids! Don’t ask any questions.
E. Just give me a mud bath and I’m happy wherever I am.
F. I want to be where the people congregate — lots and lots of people. The more, the merrier. I’d love to go back in time to Woodstock but Lollapalooza would work.
G. I love being around water. Bring me to a slow-moving river, marsh or stream and I’m at my happiest.
5. Your favorite song of this list is:
A. “The Buzz” by The Pretenders
B. “Build Me Up, Buttercup” by The Foundations
C. “This Little Light of Mine” by Doris McMurray
D. “Garden Party” by Ricky Nelson
E. “I Feel the Earth Move” by Carole King
F. “Vampires Will Never Hurt You” by My Chemical Romance (Or “Sunday Bloody Sunday” by U2)
G. “Ripple” by The Grateful Dead
6. Your motto is closest to:
A. Let’s shake things up.
B. Life’s too short to not immerse yourself in beauty.
C. Let your light shine a path.
D. Team tiny but mighty.
E. When in doubt, go deeper.
F. Bite first, ask questions later.
G. Give me freedom or give me death.
7. In a jury of your peers today, you’d most likely be voted:
A. Most loud and proud.
B. Most stylish.
C. Most radiant.
D. Most likely to slay while looking cute AF.
E. Most quietly introspective.
F. Most disruptive.
G. Most mysterious.
8. I could most imagine myself being:
A. A percussionist.
B. A botanist.
C. An electrician.
D. A professional gardener.
E. A trench digger.
F. A phlebotomist.
G. A riverboat tour guide.
Got your answers? Let’s see where you land.
Mostly A
Cicada
You are not afraid to make a little (or a lot of) noise. Whatever! You are what trend-watchers would call buzzy and haters gonna hate. Everyone knows you’re there and that’s nothing to be sad about.
Turn ons: Summer nights, friends and deciduous trees
Turn offs: Quiet zones
Mostly B
Butterfly
You like to move about, spreading love, beauty and pollination where you go. Strangers may underestimate you as just a pretty show-off but anyone who knows you knows that there is so much more substance there. It’s not easy to be the embodiment of metamorphosis.
Turn ons: Pretty things, soft breezes, sunshine
Turn offs: Cold weather, rain
Mostly C
Firefly/Lightning Bug
You have your own mysterious language you are broadcasting to those who can receive it and you can really light up a room. Yes, I went there. You are not afraid to glow and you’re not afraid to signal to the world that you are here.
Turn ons: Dark spaces, lush lawns, my own kind
Turn offs: Artificial light, bright spaces
Mostly D
Ladybug
Yes, you’re cute (we’ve established that) but you can really pack a wallop despite your adorable little appearance. Let those sap-suckers underestimate you. They won’t see what hit ’em.
Turn ons: Aphids!
Turn offs: Aphids!
Mostly E
Earthworm
You are one of the VERY best nerd friends to have because you’re so underground, you know everything before those of us up on top have any clue but you’re not pretentious about it. Don’t forget to come up for a little daylight but don’t let the early birds get you!
Turn ons: Playing in the dirt, keeping cool, digging
Turn offs: Nosy robins
Mostly F
Mosquito
Don’t like this outcome? Well, maybe you should. Mosquitoes are relentless in pursuit of what they want, even if people discourage them. A little (or a lot) of mosquito energy is not a bad thing at all. You’re always hungry and searching, but you know when to land for a bit and fill your cup. (Or your stinger.)
Turn ons: People who show lots of skin
Turn offs: Bug repellent and swatters
Mostly G
Dragonfly
The rest of us watch how you hover, move up and down in the world and we’re in awe of your iridescence, of your transcendent, independent spirit. Like Butterflies and Ladybugs, people may write you off as little more than a pretty package but they couldn’t be more wrong.
Turn ons: Slow-moving bodies of water, dancing, mosquitoes
Turn offs: Dusty, dry landscapes
Tie
Split the difference! You’re a hybrid. How cool!
One of each
You cannot be contained! You contain multitudes! They should name a new species after you!
Keep on keeping on, friends.
Marla Rose is co-founding partner of VeganStreet.com.
